On the occasion of Tom’s 50th birthday party

[The hero of the piece is well-known to friends as a car fanatic. The song was sung by the best man and maid of honour from Tom and Jenny’s wedding]

 

‘These are a few of his favourite things’

(adapted unashamedly from ‘The Sound of Music’)

 

Pistons and brake pads and overhead camshafts

Tom loves to tinker though some think he’s quite daft

Fixing and tuning and lubricating

These are a few of his favourite things

 

Driving in circles with high speed precision

Hoping like hell he’ll avoid a collision

Watching Ferraris race round Nurburgring

These are a few of his favourite things

 

[….continues in same vein to the final verse….]

 

If Tom feels old, needs a handhold

If all his deals fall through

He must simply remember his favourite things

That’s Jenny, his boys, and you. 

 

 

 

A poem to commemorate David’s 40th Birthday

 

[Opening verses then…..]

 

His Gap Year was thrilling – well, really it wasn’t,

Most of his time he washed cars.

For two years at Uni he worked not a jot

And was far from one of the stars.

 

But David’s not one to be beaten,

Only lightweights achieve a mere pass.

His desire for a First caused an energy burst,

In year three he came top of the class.

 

A Canada road trip next showed his grit,

No! Dave wasn’t scared of the bears.

He slept in the car with doors firmly locked

Leaving Chris outside with his prayers.

 

Then he met his dream girl but proved quite slow

To marry the hand that he’d won.

He claimed not to have a single weekend

Till the shooting season was done.

 

Dave’s broking career began with two firms,

Each crème de la crème upper crust.

Though strange to say, after David’s short stay,

They both wound up biting the dust.

 

But all in the office respect David’s skills,

They admire his brains and his guts,

Except, that is, for the rats in the loo

Who once nearly nibbled his nuts.

 

[….continues in the same vein….]

 

 

 

A Best Man’s Poem

 

'Johnny' or 'The Wooing of Katie'

(with thanks to Hilaire Belloc and his ‘Cautionary Tales for Children’)

 

Johnny had such charming eyes

He drove the girls to gasps and sighs

His roving look and expressive hand

(Or was it in fact the other way round)

Ensured success at every do

Though one never knew quite with who.

But from the start his seductive art

Was in training for a particular heart

And so he wooed from tip to toes

The fair and beauteous Katie Rowes.

It wasn’t easy….friends could tell

It proved to be a very hard sell

On campus where the two had met

Katie was playing hard to get

John took her to supper, he took her to lunch

But failed utterly to get her to brunch.

 

[...and continues in same vein.]

 

 

 

 A paean in praise of Jasper

on the occasion of his 50th birthday party

(to be sung to the tune of ‘Waltzing Matilda’)

 

Verse 1 (Lads ‘choir’)

 

Once a jolly Jasper was born some fifty years ago,

He’d heard that the world was the place for a spree,

And he once was so young, was a giant to his fellow men,

But that’s gone to pot for he’s now fifty!

 

Chorus 1 (all guests)

 

All sing for Jasper, all sing for Jasper,

Tell him how ancient he’s getting to be,

And his teeth may fall out and his brains may turn to mushy peas,

So all sing to Jasper’s senil-i-ty.

 

Verse 2 (Lads ‘choir’)

 

Tall, quiet, retiring - none of these apply to him,

As an undergrad he was quite naughty,

He often risked a night at the pleasure of Her Majesty,

And never made a study of sobri-e-ty.

 

Chorus 2 (all guests)

 

All sing for Jasper, all sing for Jasper,

Tell him how ancient he’s getting to be,

And his hair may fall out and he could become curmudgeonly,

He’s not as young as he’d like to be.

 

Verse 3 (‘choir’)

 

Jasp married Caroline, what a lucky lad was he,

They chose to have just a small family

There’s been Archie, and Hec,

There’s been Lily and Tallulah too

Testament to his viril-i-ty.

 

                                                            [….and continues in same vein….]

 

 

 

The First Ten Years

 

Some Lines in celebration of Brett Graham and The Ledbury restaurant

(best served with an Aussie accent)

 

Crikey and strewth and stone the crows!

The Ledbury is ten years old.

So how the heck did some young bloke from Oz

Turn lead into pure bloody gold?

 

.......and later.....

 

Once put to the test Brett's talents were clear-

He was sexy, unshaven and chipper,

Besides being fit he could cook a slight bit

And his palate was right bloody ripper.

 

.......and later.....

 

Thanks to the help of Brett's talented staff

Good repute was now on the climb

Some geezer called Michelin gave them a star

Then added another in time.

 

[....and continues in same vein....]